The Biggest Douche In The Universe

I love the episode of South Park title "The Biggest Douche In The Universe". Below is the text of my favourite bit. The very end is also great.


JOHN EDWARD
So, you think you can talk to dead people
better than me, huh?!

STAN
No, I don't think either of us can.


JOHN EDWARD
They told me your show is getting better
ratings than mine, that you're saying
I'm a fraud on your show! You'd better
not ever call me a liar, or a fake,
or a douche again, or else I'll sue
you for slander!

STAN
I'm saying this to you, John Edward,
you are a liar, you are a fake, and
you are the biggest douche ever!

JOHN EDWARD
Everything I tell people is positive
and gives them hope! How does that make
me a douche?!

STAN
Because the big questions in life are
tough: Why are we here? Where are we
from? Where are we going? But if people
believe in asshole douchey liars like
you, we're never gonna find the real
answer to those questions. You aren't
just lying, you're slowing down the
progress of all mankind, you douche!


JOHN EDWARD
I'M NOT A DOUCHE! And I challenge you
to a psychic showdown! I'll prove to
the world that I'm psychic and you're
not!

STAN
Fine, douche!

JOHN EDWARD
I'm not a douche